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Black ice is just like regular ice except it dies first in movies.
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
Sorry that most of my hilarious jokes are borderline inappropriate. And by sorry, I mean you`re welcome.
I miss that feeling you`d get at the video store when you discovered the movie you wanted to rent was available.
This dishwasher sucks. It`s already ruined three of my paper plates.
Phones are getting smarter and thinner. People, not so much.
I hate those new parents who do the `baby talking`, yes I do, yes I do...
I slept on the sofa last night which is weird because I`m not even married.
Why do we offer "a word to the wise" when it`s the stupid ones that need the advice?
Wait, carjacking doesn`t mean masturbating in my vehicle? Then no, I didn`t get arrested for carjacking.
"They are more afraid of you than you are of them." -people who know even less about me than they do about bears
May you have a prosperous New Year. I may need to borrow money.
You`re the type of person who didn`t rewind the Blockbuster VHS...
Ignoring things don`t make them go away, it makes them drunk dial you.
There are some people in this world who make you totally understand Hannibal Lecter.