Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn`t hire stupid people......
The sooner you fall behind the more time you´ll have to catch up.
That logical moment when you`re watching Home Alone 2 wondering how child services haven`t taken him away from his parents yet.
I wish I could google the things I’ve misplaced.
Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.
If they put beer in CapriSun pouches I could fit a lot more in my cooler. Just thought I`d throw that out there, people who invent sh!t.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
What if God is a woman. Not only will I be going to Hell, but I`ll never hear the end of it.
Good things come to those who wait ... Which explains why I`m always late.
It’s called “Karma” and it’s pronounced “Haha, f*ck you!”.
A small child called 911 upon seeing a zebra because he thought a horse escaped from jail
My new dating profile just says "I`m tired of masturbating."
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
I hear they designed the newest iPhone to fit perfectly in your hand, right where your money used to be.
The Drug Store cashier asked me how im doing as I put some diarrhea medicine on the counter. "Not great man, I`ve got diarrhea" I told him.