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Calling credit cards "a convenient alternative to cash" is like calling crystal meth a "diet substitute".
Wanna know what it`s like being married? Chain yourself to a wild animal. Now kick the animal.
I`ve found that the best web designers in the world are spiders.
Basically the way it works is I tell myself I`m not going to eat too much and then I eat too much.
I`m sorry call me old fashioned,but i think your shorts should be longer than your vagina...
I met a girl who told me that she broke up with her last boyfriend because he just didn`t work out. Which is when I knew, she wasn`t the one for me, as I hate to work out as well.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
I never thought I’d be the kind of person who’d wake up early in the morning to exercise... and I was right.
The fact that Pitbul is even considered a musician is more disgusting than the fact that toothpaste was invented years after french kissing was.
Roses are Red Violets are Blue, If I had a brick, I`d throw it at you.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
People keep thinking that I care ... Wierd.
The only honest people in the world are small children and me after a couple cocktails.
Nothing says IDGAF like an old lady at a slot machine wearing oxygen and smoking a cigarette.
I just googled, "understanding women," the computer crashed.