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I put mirrors on the ceiling because I like to see how I look when I`m eating pizza alone.
I feel ready to face the world as a responsible adult now that I`ve taken today`s gummy vitamins.
The brain is like the most outstanding organ. It works for 24 hours, 365 days, right from your birth until you fall in love.
Dogs lick each other`s butts to tell each other they like them. Just like politicians
Edward Scissorhands will never win a game of rock, paper, scissors.
Don`t cry because it`s over, smile because you have incriminating evidence.
Saw someone try and park a car for about 10 minutes. I didn’t see the person so I’m not going to assume what gender she was.
My swear jar has more money in it than my bank account.
I`m losing my mind, but as long as I keep the part that tells me when I gotta pee, I should be OK
Anybody else have those FB friends that set up a FB account 4 years ago and posted once or twice and hasn`t been back on since? And you wonder how they can exist without a Life?
If a guy stares at your boobs, just stare at his d!ck ... maybe squint a little bit
Me: Mom...Dad. I`ve decided to live on my own from now on. Parents: ok, cool. Me: Your luggage is outside
For many people, "live and learn" is one task too many.
Who can really hear themselves thinking?
I wouldn`t do much for a Klondike Bar; I would however get naked for beer.