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I just found if you tuck one part of a pants leg into your sock,,,, people expect less of you.
I’m going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Last year I won a $50 gift card to Chili`s at a Christmas raffle. ...... This year I`ve decided my Secret Santa gift is going to be a $14.37 gift card to Chili`s.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
Yo! My friend won a trip to China. He´s out there now... trying to win a trip back.
I think a good gauge of my personality is that I watch Homeland to relax.
I like to start my morning off with a good nap.
Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let`s try to leave better kids for our planet.
OMG!! IT`S MONDAY ... What the f*ck do you think comes after Sunday, Sunday JR. ?
Before social networking you could just completely forget someone existed, it ruled.
I get so tired of the same old BS...can´t I get a little BS variety?
I never thought you could really guess too low whenever a woman asks you her age. I guess 6 was pushing it.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
All I’m saying is, you’ve never seen me crying and eating tacos at the same time.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.