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Apparently, you can only say "look at you! You got so big!" to children,,, old girlfriends tend to get offended.
Refusing to go to the gym counts as resistance training, right?
Amazon’s recommendations are like that friend who heard you say “ninja” once and then got you ninja stuff for your birthday every year for twenty years
Of course women dont fart. They never shut up long enough to build up pressure
I saw a midget carrying a tv to his car today. I said "hey, would you like some help with that plasma?" He said "f*ck off asshole, it`s an IPad!"
We can`t cure cancer, diabetes or PMS, but we have 10 different pills to make a mans happy place bigger.
I would eat a lot more healthy food if it required no preparation or stayed fresh as long as junk food.
Marriage. Because otherwise hating someone for turning the page of a newspaper too loudly would seem absurd
life is too short to think twice and act wise....
I bet short people get really excited when they accidentally hit their head on things.
What do you mean my bathrobe is inappropriate? Isn`t it casual Friday?!
I can`t afford to go on vacation these days,so I just drink until I don`t know where the duck I am or how I got there.
3 out of 4 Americans make up 75% of the population.
If Milli Vanilli were to fall in the woods, would someone else make a sound?
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.