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When you go to buy fire insurance for your house, don`t tell them you need it by a certain date.
Men look at boobs for the same reason women look at puppies in a cage, we just want to set them free.
Sometimes I pretend to be normal. But it gets boring ... so I go back to being me. ;)
If I were a cashier I`d pretend people were waiting in line to kiss me.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Nice try butter flavored pancake syrup, but I`m still putting butter on them!!
I prefer to be crazy and happy rather than normal and bitter......
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
Pretty sure I look forward to my boss` vacation`s more than he does.
Just watched The Grey. The wolves left half the Mexican .. to spicy??
"Paypal me your lunch money!" -Cyber Bullies
Roses are red, violets are blue, sandwiches are tasty, rhyming is hard
The tragedy of Scooby-Doo is that whoever kept supplying criminals with such realistic prosthetic masks was never caught.
Admit it, we all have that special someone we`d visit if given a tank to drive for a day
I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn`t met me yet