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Behind every strong woman is a man that she needs to open jars and get things off high shelves.
If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
The worst part about calling in for a sick day is the pressure of knowing you only have one shot to do the “I’m sick” voice.
It’s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
I saw the most beautiful painting at the store the other day … but then I realized it was a mirror.
Someday, somewhere, somehow I’m going to do something.
If you have alphabet fridge magnets, and morals. You probably shouldn`t invite me over.
that an iPhone 6+ in your pocket? Or are you just happy to see me?
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
Sometimes I want to comment on a photo on Facebook but then I don’t wanna have to explain why I’m in your ‘Random Party Pics 08' album at 4am.
I`m starting to think I overuse exclamation points. It ends today. Right now. I`ll never ever use one again. I`m so excited about it. Yes.
I`m telling you, Godzilla must have feet made of steel. I step on a Lego and can`t walk for a month.
Remember when you thought you’d have it all together by the time you were the age you are now? LOL
Here is a thought for all you mind readers out there…