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I hit a parked car today so naturally I left a note. It said "Die, Decepticons! Die!"
Only 273 fruit roll-ups to go until I get my full serving of fruit...
Every semicolon I have ever used has been a complete guess
I feel like water solves all problems. Wanna lose weight? drink water .. clear face ? Drink water.. Tired of your better half? Drown them
My family says I talk in my sleep but nobody at work has ever mentioned it.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
My kids will be mad at me when they discover it isn’t illegal to talk in the car while I’m driving.
I WON THE LOTTERY, SCREW YOU ALL! ... Sorry, just practicing
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
If anyone tells you, you have ADHD. Pay no attention.
Sometimes you run into people who just make your day more bearable. Those people are called bartenders.
I have learned from watching crime dramas on tv when the good guys yell "Federal Agents" at the bad guys, the bad guy always runs. Wouldn`t it be smarter to yell "Prize Patrol" if you really want to catch a bad guy?
Did we try giving the government a snickers?
I´m thankful for Facebook. Before, I would just scream out my thoughts to anyone who would listen.
If only there was a way to voice a highly uneducated opinion to thousands of people on a regular basis