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Teamwork is just another way of saying we will soon be sharing in the blame equally.
Not sure what`s longer. A microwave minute or a treadmill minute.
Girls probably spend more time thinking about what men think than men actually spend thinking.
Why do they write PIZZA all over the box? What else could possibly be in there???
No, I’m not funny. I’m just really mean and everyone thinks I’m joking.
I noticed you`re not yourself today. I really like it.
Calories: Tiny creatures that live in your closet and sew your clothes a little tighter each night.
Call me crazy, but the last person who did is still in a full body cast, so it`s up to you.
Saying something stupid and thinking “Yeah, that sounded way better in my head"
Sometimes I wish my dog could talk…then I remember all the things he has seen me do when I’m alone.
Just heard some guy yell "F**K!" ... I thought this was impressive because not many people can pronounce asterisks.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
is procastinating now. Don´t see why I should put it off.
My New Year`s resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look skinnier.
`Google`` must be a woman, because it knows everything.