Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If your dog takes a dump on your floor and you clean it up, who owns who??
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
Never buy the first round cause that`s when people care what they`re drinking!
Should have never gave my cat a lemon, now he’s walking around like a sour puss.
There just isn`t enough make-up in this world to cover up crazy.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
I hate it when the little voices argue with my imaginary friends.
The most frustrating thing I`ve ever tried to do was throw away a trash can.
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
There is always light at the end of the tunnel. It might be a train or a truck so dont let it hit you.
Size does matter ... When ordering a pizza
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
Studies show it’s totally okay for me to just say “studies show” in front of whatever I want to say.
iTunes got it all wrong, the hottest single of the year is me.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs… because they always take things literally