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(For women only) Wants to go on the Maury Povich show and hear, "You are NOT the mother!"
Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Beauty comes in all shapes & sizes. Small, large, circle, square, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, extra toppings.
Do you ever go on youtube just to watch a music video then 5 hours later you find yourself watching a tutorial on how to talk to a giraffe?
WOW! This gym thing is a lot harder than it looked on Instagram.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
My daily routine: Wake up, be awesome, go back to sleep.
I always wrap someone`s fist bump with my high five because paper beats rock.
Screw love... I`d rather fall in chocolate.
Just spent the last 30 minutes cutting a Batman mask off the back of a box of Honey Nut Cheerios & my kid thinks he`s gonna get to wear it.
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
If I have nosy neighbors, I always like to dig five 7 ft. x 3 ft. x 6 ft. holes in the back yard and every couple of days, Fill one in.
Iām going back to sleep. I refuse to give up on my dreams that easily.