Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
I swear I`m allergic to alcohol. Every time I drink I seem to break out in handcuffs.
The human soul weights 1.2 lbs. I know this because I weighed myself before and after I got to work.
Gym Update: Not there.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
You know how people dread going to the dentist? I feel that way about getting out of bed.
"You have the right to remain silent so as not to incriminate yourself." ~5th Amendment, understood by nobody on Facebook.
This is the third time someone in Liam Neeson`s family has been abducted, they really need to stop leaving the house.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
Doing the moonwalk is the only way to look cool while wiping dog crap off your shoes.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
I love Ebay. Sold my homing pigeon 8 times last month.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
In your face with a can of mace, make you cry all over the place!!