Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
Alway be nice to anyone that has full access to your toothbrush.
Found out today that you`re supposed to urinate on a jellyfish sting, NOT a jelly stain. Sorry, strange lady at the Waffle House. Just trying to help...
Just changed my dating profile headline to: “Seeking rich old men with bad hearts and no relatives” …crossing my fingers.
“I’ll be speaking with my lawyer” is the adult version of saying “I`m telling mom”
[the instructor clearly frustrated with me on first day of veterinary school] "It doesn`t matter if its a dog, it`s still called a cat scan"
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
with great power...comes great electric bill...
None of the animals I designed and invented are at the zoo. Do they even check the suggestion box?
The snooze button, because there’s nothing like starting your day off with a little procrastination.
I`m pretty sure God just pointed at me and laughed.
While wearing a bikini you show 90% of your body -But men are so polite, that they stare only at the covered places.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)