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Ever work out and think "wow I really needed that"? That`s how I feel about the chocolate chip cookie I just ate.
The only way a fidgey spinner would relieve my stress is if it was edible ...
When girls wear yoga pants I feel like a ghost from Mario. Uncontrollably attracted when they turn away, but frozen when they look at me.
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
I couldn`t find the word `Disappear` in the dictionary. Strange!
Why is it that the more annoying the tune, the harder it is to get it out of your head?
I try to live my life by the saying: “You scratch my back and I’ll let you know when to stop.”
The future is much like the present, only longer.
I’ve been that, done that, had that, lost that, needed that and felt that. Just a few of the many reasons why I always drink to “that”.
All i ever see on facebook is LBR, TBH, LMS, and all that other crap...
So far my only real accomplishment in life has been not having kids.
I have an eating disorder; I`m about to eat dis order of fries, dis order of wings, and dis order of nuggets.
Is it rude to put *vomits* under someone`s post ?
"This is groundbreaking stuff." - Inventor of the shovel
Vodka can be mixed with anything, including more vodka.