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A person who is bad at math should never take a calculated risk.
Hey pigs, stop trying to swallow entire apples. You keep dying!
Today is Friday the 13th. Try not to be a teenage girl in her underwear at night at a deserted summer camp today.
I`m glad it`s finally hot enough to complain about how hot it is.
I drink because people talk.
I had cheese, but no crackers ... I was cracka-lackin
Hope you don`t mind if I make transformer sound effects when we switch positions.
Just once I`d like to see someone in a movie call bullshit when someone tells them their phone number starts with 555
If I liked one of your pics from 12 weeks ago, doesn`t mean I`m stalking you...It just means you haven`t looked nice in awhile
So impolite of people to sneak up on you while you’re talking sh!t about them.
Nintendo should handle education, I don’t remember half the crap from high school but I know all of Super Mario World’s secrets.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
I don`t even know why chicks spend so much time and money on their hair when all guys look at is their tits.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
"Don`t let a hot date turn into a due date."--my father`s actual sex talk with me when I was 13.