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You know you`ve won the argument when the other person responds with "Whatever..."
Its so cold outside I just saw a teenager with his pants pulled all the way UP
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
I hate when beggars rattle their cup full of coins at me. Yes i know! You have more money than me, you don`t have to rub it in..
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
I`m bringing sexy back...if I only I can remember where I had it last....
Don`t be embarrassed by who you are. Unless you`re stupid. Then you`re pretty much screwed.
Burned almost a thousand calories with the elliptical machine today. Moved it into the basement, that thing is heavy!
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
There should be an "oh my god, shut up already" button.
How do you start a rave in Ethiopia? Glue a piece of toast to the ceiling
Most of the lies I tell aren`t even true.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I had your cake and ate it too.
If I stop my car so you can walk across the street, I better see some hustle out of you. Knees to Chest, bitch, KNEES TO CHEST!!