Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Why is it that everyone you hate has such a better job than you?
I replaced the spare tire in my car with a box of wine. I`ve no idea how to change a tire, & I bet I`ll need a drink as I wait for a ride.
Don`t be sad laundry, nobody`s doing me either.
Waking up is the second hardest thing in the morning.
Some of these Giraffe profile pictures are a vast improvement.
Iām supporting our troops today by going commando.
Hey Guys! I havent seen you since last year!(;
Those who tell you not to run with scissors are just trying to steal your scissors. Run.
Sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I`ll read 4 or 5 status updates and I`ll cry, because I relieze how dysfunctional some of my friends life`s are. but then I`ll smile when I remember things like the leftover pizza from last night sitting on the coffee table!
If I had a British accent, I`d never shut up.
I can`t relate to people who "forget to eat"
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
They`re all cop cars when you`re this high.
Hello? HP? Iād like to make a return. I ordered a Laser Jet but you sent me a printer.
Shout out to the single lady I saw buying a bunch of Duracell batteries on Valentine`s Day.