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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I was thinking earlier, thats all, just wanted everyone to know that it does happen from time to time........
Being fat is when you watch Jurassic Park and wonder if dinosaur tastes good.
If you are noticing this notice, you will have noticed this notice is not worth noticing
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
It’s impressive how quickly I can go from full to starving.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
My friends were alway so nice. They were like "of course you`re not fat! Come on, grab two chairs and sit with us" :)
Hate having friends? Just chew with your mouth open.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
It`s not often you see a pink poo in your bowl & realize that not everything is edible from the sex shop
It could be worse. Spiders could have wings.
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
If it makes you feel better, don’t call it “Premature Ejaculation.” Call it “Speed Dating”
I think the lady at the movies is "shushing" me, but I can`t tell because I`m eating Doritos.