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When they say: "Wow, you`re really photogenic." What they mean: "Wow, this looks nothing like how ugly you actually are."
If the voices in my head had a British accent I would listen to them more often.
I was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn`t the right answer.
I like pressing F5. It`s so refreshing.
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
I`m pretty sure the whole "ladies first" thing was created by a guy just to check out a$$.
Who`s further now, the Energizer Bunny or Voyager 1?
We`re all mature until somebody brings out the bubble-wrap...
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
It`s always quiet on here at the weekends, it`s like you people have lives or something...
Why is it so hard to find an exercise bike with a nice little basket where I can put my nachos?
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
I swear on this f*cking chicken I will never swear again. Oops.
I wonder how the Never-ending story is doing.
The best time to re evaluate your life is when you find your self awake at 3 am reluctantly nodding yes to the questions being asked at the beginning of an infomercial