Daily Silly Status

Pick any number. Multiply it by two. Now add 12 to it. Divide it by 3. Now change it to 10. That`s how many seconds you just wasted.

Love your neighbor ... but don`t get caught.

To trick people into thinking I understand things at a museum I stand in front of every painting and silently count to twenty.

I may not be the smartest guy in the world, or the richest guy in the world, or the best-looking guy in the world, but,....Oh,hell. Now I`m depressed.

I always tell new hires, don`t think of me as your boss, think of me as your friend who can fire you`re ass

A few bad decisions really liven up a boring day.

I have a pornographic memory... Go ahead and get naked, I`ll remember you.

Being a parent means hiding in a closet to eat a donut so you don`t have to share.

It`s hard to be a good person when kids fit so perfectly into trash cans.

For once in my life, I’d like to get up in the morning and be as excited about it as my p@nis is.

I thinking about how im disgusted by holding a gas pump but yet, I have no problem drinking my beer from a cup that ten other people drank out of, and a backwash covered ping pong ball was just thrown into it after hitting a dirty a$$ garage floor??

Immature: A word boring people use to describe fun people.

It should really be called teethpaste.

My body needs a refresh button.

Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.