Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I suffer from paranoia and procrastination. Everyone is out to get me, just not right now.
I`m running out of people I can tolerate!
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
Jack The Ripper would be a great name for a fitness trainer.
If Olympic drinking was an event I would probably take gold in the floor routine.
Lesson Learned: I poured bleach on the asshole that cut me off at the self-checkout. According to the cop, I misunderstood asshole bleaching.
Me being rude: Shut the f*ck up. Me being polite: Please shut the f*ck up.
Ugly is such an ugly word. If I must describe an ugly person I´d prefer to use the term "handsomely-challenged"
Somewhere in the world right now, somebody is buying a house based on its potential for great bathroom selfies.
If the best things in life really are free, why am I still getting charged at the liquor store? I call bullshit
Suggested serving size is only for skinny people right?
Starbucks isn`t really that expensive compared to how much Victoria`s Secret charges per cup.
The 4 stages of a relationship: 1. I like you 2. I love you 3. I hate you 4. Arson