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I have a feeling I already know which direction my "Get rich or die trying" lifestyle is headed.
To error is human, to forgive is divine, to keep your damn mouth shut is much appreciated.
If I had a time machine, I’d probably just use it so I wouldn’t have to throw out so many bananas.
Easy way to kill me: Dangle a spider from my rearview mirror while I`m driving.
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
My therapist just offered me my money back.
I was standing in front of the mirror earlier, admiring my six pack for hours. But it got really warm so I put it back in the fridge.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Man cannot live on bread alone ... hence beer and stuff.
By the time I’ve said “Nice to meet you” I’ve already forgotten your name.
Didn`t think my day could get any better but my robe has pockets so boom, there you go.
roses are red violets are blue da shit in my back yard looks jus like you
Halloween is great because kids just show up at your door and hold out bags of candy for you to steal