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Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
You’re the reason I wake up everyday... Just kidding I have a job!!
Don`t judge. Maybe I`m conducting a study of the effects of prolonged laziness on a human body. You don`t know.
I’m exhausted just thinking of everything I have to do.
It’s a little sad that today’s youth don’t get to experience a red rubber dodgeball to the face like we did back in the day.
Start each day with a positive thought like, "I can go back to bed in about 17 short hours."
If you`re not afraid when someone is flipping through the photos on your phone then you`re probably boring.
Boobs are to men what light bulbs are to moths.
I like to reward myself for getting up on time by laying in bed for another 20 minutes.
Bacon has protein. Spinach has protein. Bacon is a vegetable.
If pigs really could fly I bet their wings would taste delicious.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
I always scratch off the "Plus One" option on wedding invitations are replace it with "Drinking for two"
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...
Just been watching Ladies Beach volleyball and there`s already been a wrist injury...but I should be ok in a couple days.