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That urge you get to write “No one gives a crap” on someone’s status.
When someone is in a bad mood, I like to help matters by pointing out several times that they seem to be in a bad mood.
Any question is a hard hitting question when it`s written on a brick and thrown full force at your face.
I am sorry I had feelings. I`ll replace them with jokes right away.
Do you ever watch a movie and realize you have to watch it again because you were on your phone the whole time?
Being a vegetarian is hard at first but after a month or so you get used to telling everyone you`re a vegetarian.
Reasons why I never let my girlfriend touch my iPhone. 1) I don`t have iPhone. 2) I don`t have a girlfriend.
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
Alcohol-The best night time: slurring, headache, dehydration, drink spilling, charm killing, so you think you can dance medicine.
You can´t trust dogs to watch your food.
I`m in my 30`s, but I still feel like I`m in my 20`s until I hang out with people in their 20`s and I`m like, "nope, I`m in my 30`s"
I was trying to think of something really deep to post on Facebook this morning. The Mariana Trench comes to mind.
I’m so glad I was young and stupid before there were camera phones.
I`m going to spend Valentine`s day with my ex.... Box 360
New Study: Long-term beer drinking can lead to depression, also known as "running out of beer."