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You can learn a lot about a girl by ignoring her text messages.
My RSVP : I`ll be attending your wedding alone but consuming enough cake and alcohol for at least two.
I`m already going to hell ... now I`m just trying to get a good spot.
How funny is it when you’re telling somebody a made-up story and someone says “Oh yeah I heard about that”?
If you win a years supply of calendars, you would only win 1 calendar.
Cinderella is my favorite fairy tale about how foot size is the best way to recognize someone.
I`ve found that nowadays most people don`t like holding hands in public. Especially if you don`t know them.
Buying someone flowers is kind of a weird idea. Like: Hey, these are for you, now watch them slowly die, because I love you.
I`m surrounded by sex addicts & alcoholics. So glad I found y`all.
Note to self: Thanks for always being there.
Elevators are so stupid. They have a button for the floor I`m already on.
My friend is showing me her new vegan handbag. I know vegans can be annoying, but should we really be making accessories out of them?
Why get married? Just pick a girl you hate and buy her a house.
Dear karma, I have a list of people you missed.
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.