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Sarcasm: because snapping a neck is frowned upon in a court of law.
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
I either want less corruption, or more chance to participate in it!
People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow
My doctor prescribed me xanax instead of birth control pills I asked for. Now I have 9 kids, but I don`t care.
Gimmie a P. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an O. Gimmie a C. Gimmie an R. Gimmie an A. Gimmie an S. Gimmie a....oh, nevermind. I`ll finish this later.
I could do so much more if I only had minions.
If your boyfriend answers your text while playing GTA, he doesn`t love you. He just died on the game.
Deep down, we`re all that one lady in 7-11 with her bathrobe on.
To the lady at Costco with her son on a leash. I`m sorry that I asked if he was a rescue.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
Liam Neeson trained Batman, Obi Wan, and Darth Vader. He is both Aslan and Zeus…and he punches wolves. Why would you kidnap his family?
I`m the type of person who will throw away the manual and ponder for 3 hours "where the hell do I start"
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.