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Woah.. the room is spinning.. I knew the world revolved around me.. ;)
Anything is possible when you have no clue what you`re talking about
Damn girl, are you a Snickers bar, because you`re so sweet and satisfying and surprisingly hard and ... hold on, are those nuts?
Tip of the day: When there’s a will…find a way to be in it!
Yeah, you go ahead and climb that mountain "because it`s there", I am going to eat this Pizza "because it`s here"................................
It was hard getting over my addiction to the Hokey Pokey, but I’ve turned myself around.
If you run into someone you know and they say "we should hang out sometime", say "I`m ready to hang out now" and watch them panic.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
I just hope my stalker doesn`t tell my dentist how infrequently I floss.
The problem with coffee is trying to make it when you haven`t had any yet.
I`ve been having real problems with nuisance phone calls lately. The most common one seems to be "You said you`d be home from the bar three f*cking hours ago!"
You know you’re a mom, when someone says they have a stomach ache and you ask if they pooped today.
The Family Reunion went pretty good until they all figured out that I wasn`t related to any of them
BREAKING NEWS: Will Smith sends Miley Cyrus to live with auntie and uncle in Bel Air.