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Your baby looks the same as it did yesterday. Me, commenting on a Facebook picture.
At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
I was getting really depressed today but then I realized double cheeseburgers exist
If u cant live without me, why aren`t you dead yet.
Happy Labor Day to someone who barely labored this year.
Enough with procrastination, it’s time for excuses.
When wearing a logo or clever t-shirt, make sure your rack looks good. No one likes reading stuff on a lumpy, wavy surface. You too, ladies.
Men are great listeners when you have big boobs ;)
SNAUGHLING: Laughing so hard you snort, then laugh because you snorted, then snort because you laughed.
This is the only comment you should be leaving on porn sites: “Why are you doing this? Please come home. Your mother and I are heartbroken.”
I bet my road rage will be taken seriously once I get a car.
I tried to be a Rap Singer once. Sadly my rap album, `I Respect the Police & the Risks They Take to Keep My Community Safe`, didn`t do too well on iTunes.
Can you make garlic bread out of frozen waffles? Asking for someone who wishes they had remembered garlic bread at the store.
I want the drugs of the first guy who was like "DUDE, let`s carve a face into a pumpkin."
You must be a parking ticket or something for the word FINE is written all over you.