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"I like tube tops too, but even tires have pressure limits!
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I`ll tell you what a woman wants. She wants you to drag her to the bedroom, toss her down, and do the dishes and laundry while she takes a nap.
My idea of heaven consists of all of the things I`d go to hell for.
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
I`m an animal in bed. More specifically a koala. I can sleep for 22 hours a day.
I imagine a world where whining on Facebook is illegal.
why me is me ?
I`m awkward when people compliment me. "Nice hair" "Thanks, I grew it myself"
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
Iām so broke this New Years Im gonna party like its $19.99.
I can tell by your boobs that you`ve never seen a bar tab.
I`m not saying my ex wasn`t pretty, but every time my wallet got stolen the thief would return her picture.
Got a paper cut turning the pages in my self-defense book.
Happiness comes from within. That`s why it always feels so good to fart.