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Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
That`s weird, all this time I thought the Birds and the Bees was a dance from the 50`s.
Bitch I’m not insulting you, I’m describing you.
The ultimate act of trust is buying your spouse a gun, and then showing them the correct way to use it.
Today is the 1st anniversary of the end of the world. Can you believe it`s been a year since the world ended? Time sure flies when it`s the apocalypse.
You can always make any conversation awkward by pulling out and starting a stopwatch without saying why you’re doing it.
Everyone is gifted......But not everyone opens their present
What a lovely winter we`re having this spring.
I`m a little stumped by this beer to pee volume ratio.
I get in this weird mood where I don’t want to talk to anybody and just want to be left alone. I call this mood ‘Awake’
The only hunger games i care about involve plastic hippos.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
I can`t help but smile when I see a woman wearing a Supertramp Concert t-shirt
You don`t have to drink to have fun... Just have fun drinking!
Somewhere, right now.. One of my Facebook friends is already drunk!