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If Miley doesn`t get her sh!t together, all these Hannah Montana collectibles are never gonna get my kids through college.
It hurts when you goto unfriend someone only to discover they beat you to it
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
If the conversation gets too serious and uncomfortable, take your pants off.
I want the job where you push scared skydivers out of planes.
I need a new refrigerator ... There`s no food in mine.
I`m painting a blue square in my garden, so that Google Earth thinks I have a pool.
It`s only October 3rd and I`ve already beaten the sh!t out of two motion activated skeletons at store entrances.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
I`m afraid of a world run by adults who were never spanked as kids and got trophies just for participating.
God is testing me today, but I don`t think he realizes I`m a `C` student.
I`ve been hiding from exercise ... I`m in the fitness protection program.
I believe in sharing the road with other drivers. They can have the part behind me.
I never let anyone see me eat junk food. Not because I`m afraid they will judge me. I just don`t want to share.
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|