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Jimmy is short for James? This is where I think English is stupid. They have the same number of letters. Do they even know what short means?
I laid awake all night again worrying about why I’m always so tired.
Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will only be jingling "part" of the way this year, as usual ur patience is appreciated.
iOS 8 let`s you passcode lock specific apps? It`s fun imagining how many break ups that will cause.
OMG ... I hate waiting in lines ... I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.
Bless me Father for I hit send.
I believe in karma, which is why I`m such a d!ck to total strangers, just in case they deserve it.
The guy below me obviously has never seen R2-D2.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Can’t wait till I’m old and I can play the ‘fall asleep’ card in awkward situations.
My wife went home to visit her mother today. Or as I refer to it. Her “bitch refresher course”.
That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything and all you can think is “act natural, you’re innocent”.
Just how hairy was the dude who invented a shampoo called Head & Shoulders?
My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember all the things I was suppose to do.
The last time I was someone`s type, I was donating blood.