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I keep myself in just good enough shape to outrun most women and small children during emergencies.. :|
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Ironically, Internet was made to save our time.
Men are like cheap dishes - easily broken & completely replaceable!
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
"Rise and shine” is probably the most depressing thing a shoeshiner hears in the morning.
I don`t live paycheck to paycheck. I live paycheck to four days before paycheck...
Sorry I said "What is it?" when you showed me your baby.
If ignorance is bliss then there`s a crap load of people in paradise
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Fashion is what you call hideous clothes that are really expensive
My dream job would be the Karma delivery service.
If by time, you mean vodka, then yes, time does heal all wounds.
I’m pretty sure I have atleast one anscestor who would be pretty pissed to find out that helicopters exist and I can’t fly one.