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why earn money when it comes easier when you just ask
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
It`s so cold out, I just seen a woman in 2 pairs of pajamas at Walmart...
Really Google Autocomplete? You honestly think I want to search for "hardcore poem"?
All my biological clock does, is let me know when it`s time to eat again
From what I can gather, men hit their sexual peak around age 18. And women hit theirs as soon as the divorce is final.
Saw a flying saucer today. It appeared right after the flying cup that my wife threw at me.
A recent report shows that people who smoke weed get into 85% fewer car crashes than drunk people. Obviously. It`s a lot easier to see what`s coming when you`re only driving at eleven miles an hour.
I`m reaching the point where I really hope it`s not possible to be annoyed to death.
I don’t think I get enough credit for doing everything I do while being unmedicated.
In life, you only need two tools - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn`t move but should, use the WD-40. If it should not move and does, use the duct tape
People always say that alcohol kills... but if you think about it .... it causes many births too.
Just hired two Private Investigators to follow each other. I`ll keep you posted......
If flying is really so safe, then why is it called the `terminal`?
I just want to be rich enough to tell my boss, "you`re not the boss of me"!