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This cat poop tastes like I`m about to get yelled at -Dogs
Have some fun with your life...call in sick to places you dont even work at.
If you ever feel unattractive, just remember that you look like your ancestors and all of them got laid.
Touch it gently, put two fingers inside, if it`s wide use three fingers, make sure it`s wet and rub up and down. Yep that`s how you wash a cup.
I`ve got my wise-ass in my smartypants so I`m ready for anything!
is not impatient. I just patient really fast.
Find someone who is honest, laughs when you make fun of them, and then give each other orgasms.
My life has a surprising lack of dance battles.
If being lazy paid, damn dude I must be a billionaire.
Give a man a fish & he`ll eat for a day. Give a man a jelly fish and you can pee on him.
Remember bad decisions make the best stories!!!
A worm is a pretty disappointing prize for getting up early if you ask me.
I have a drinking problem. When I tilt my head back to take a drink, I can’t see my computer screen.
Adult movies now available in 3D?!? Some thing I just don`t want to see flying at my face.
Sorry I said "nice phone" when you showed me a photo of your baby.