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It’s annoying when Netflix keeps stopping to buffer. Stupid neighbors just won’t upgrade their WiFi.
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
Hello 911? Do you think i`m pretty?
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
The only human interaction I want for the rest of the day is the exchange of money between me and the liquor store cashier
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
I just read the words "untimely death" and thought, "Man, I hope my death is timely."
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
This beer sure tastes like I`m on vacation next week!
Are you really sorry or are you just Charlie Sheen sorry?
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs!
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.
Just spent like 5 hours talking to my neighbor about his garden and long story short, turns out it was just a f*cking scarecrow.