Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
eBay sellers - just because you`ve dug your suit/dress out of the back of your wardrobe doesn`t make it vintage. #JustOldAndSmelly
I DON`T UNDERSTAND IT! WHY THE F*CK WOULD SOMEBODY BREAK INTO A HOUSE JUST TO STEAL A REMOTE CON - Never mind, I found it.
House cleaning would go a lot faster if the spray bottles made laser gun sounds
DO NOT LIKE THIS… Unless you’re a sexy beast.
The worst time to need sneeze is when you’re driving. The worst time to need to pee is when you’re driving and need to sneeze.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
I have no problem texting while driving, but I won’t text while going down stairs. That sh!t’s dangerous.
Have you ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you´ve had?
Me at age 5 "I wish I had a $1" Me at age 10 "I wish I had $100" Me at age 17 "I wish I had $1,000,000" Me at age 26 "I wish I had $1"
I’m supporting our troops today by going commando.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
I`m high as a kite! Let me rephrase that: I`m stuck in a tree.
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
You never know how dirty a song’s lyrics are…until you hear a child sing them.