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Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.
Bring donuts so your coworkers will like you. Cut them in half so they will hate you again.
Every cigarette you smoke takes 5 minutes off your student loan debt.
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
says if you don`t like the way I live my life, than there is some good news... you aren`t me!!
I`m such a thrill seeker, when I see a ‘Caution, Wet Floor’ sign, I walk faster...
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I’m the king of balancing more trash on top of an already full trash can.
At what point will this meal make me happy, Ronald?
I think I really have an amazing butt, every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say,"what an a$$.."
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
My posts come from a dark place.. I haven`t paid my light bill in 3 months.