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If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
The black sheep always have the best stories.
My safe word is letsgetmarried.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
Good girls are bad girls that never get caught.
Bend over and take it like a taxpayer.
Hate when my GF asks me to hold her purse at the grocery store line cause I really don`t like being that guy holding two purses.
I slept on my neck funny and today I will be turning my whole body like Batman every time I have to look at something.
If every porkshop was perfect, we wouldn`t have hot dogs.
Found out today you cannot join a gym "just to watch".
Judging from my last 5 relationships I am convinced my heart is trying to kill me
Screw you recommended serving size. You don’t know me.
I`m not saying I`m bilingual but if you shout at me in German I`ll probably do whatever you want
I eat my salad without dressing because who has time to put on clothes...
It’s the most wonderful time of the year… to be slowly driven insane by Christmas music.