Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Cannibals don`t drink coffee ... They have a cup of Joe instead.
If you think you`re bad with words, imagine the first guy to say "There there" when consoling someone
Stop everything you’re doing. Think about me. You’re welcome.
I`m about as lost as lesbian on ChristianMingle.com
You know what`s more miraculous than a video with a million view but no dislikes on YouTube? The detention sheet empty for my class.
I’m not a picky eater or anything but I will look at both sides of a Dorito before I eat it to decide if its got a good cheesy dust ratio.
When choosing a name for your daughter, imagine her being announced in a strip club. If she doesn`t need a stage name, pick something else.
I`m so hot I stalk myself ;)
Have you seen that new golf ball that will automatically go in the hole if it comes within 4in of it. DO NOT carry it in your back pocket!
My Ex updated her status to "standing on the edge of a cliff" So I "poked" her!
My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities. I said, “That’s great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity.”
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts.
Hibernation should be a human thing too.
I like working from home. It`s much more comfortable than sleeping in my cubicle.
Oh... the look on the Home Depot associate`s face when I asked him if the pruning shears will cut through bone... priceless.