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Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it already.
Scratching off a lotto ticket before you leave the store is a good way of letting people know that your life isn`t going according to plan.
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Facebook is like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every few minutes to see if there`s anything good in it
Somebody asked for my name today, and when I told them they said "That`s an unusual name. You don`t hear that everyday" to which I replied "Well actually... I do"
I was like "No, Pepsi is NOT ok. I wanted a Coke." And she was all "Sir, 911 should only be dialed for real emergencies."
"That was supposed to be a compliment." -Men
When life hands you lemons it should only remind you to buy more tequila, life is as simple as that.
I haven`t lost all of my marbles but there is definitely a hole in the bag.
A high school diploma takes you 12 years to get, 2 minutes to frame and a lifetime to forget where you put it.
I`ve got big plans for the weekend. If things go well, come Monday morning I`m gonna need a chiropractor, a psychiatrist, a priest and bail money.
Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
Tried to donate blood today but they had too many questions about where I got it.