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2 can keep a secret if one of them is dead...
I don`t think we do get smarter as we get older. I just think we run out of stupid things to do.
Caterpillars have the ideal life. They eat a lot and then sleep for a while and wake up beautiful.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Few things are creepier than someone saying "I know" after you introduce yourself.
If they really want to increase breast awareness, why not try a National Motorboat Day?
If I had a dollar for everytime i thought of you, I would start thinking about you!
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
They`ve got this brand new machine at the gym. I only used it for about an hour because I started to feel sick, but it`s awesome - it`s got Mars Bars, KitKat Chunkys, Cheetos, crisps.... everything!
To the untrained eye, I`m quite handsome.
Facebook: Wasting peoples lives since 2004
I don`t mean to brag, but my posts are enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide...
Horse racing is like NASCAR only slower and with poop.
I swear July only lasted like 3 minutes
“I’m sorry” and “my bad” mean the same thing… Unless you’re at a funeral.