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My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
If I could move things by telekinesis I`d squeeze people`s insides and make them fart.
Doing word problems as a kid has helped me in adulthood. "Dan doesn`t have enough money for his bills, how long before he is homeless?"
Person: You`re blocking the view. Me: B!tch, I am the view!
I wish the media and politicians would stop jumping to delusions.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Life was much easier when apples and blackberries were fruits&& not phones
I would like to think I will die a heroic death, but it`s more likely I`ll trip over my dog and choke on a spoonful of frosting.
When I win the lottery, the first thing I`m going to buy is a pot to piss in. I`ve always wanted one of those.
October is breast awareness month for women, men are usually aware of breasts all year round.
You heard me right. I said:"Lets agree to disagree." It`s much more polite than:"Whatever, bitch."
Take me seriously at your own risk.
Sometimes after many years of marriage, you just look at your wife and wonder how she stayed with you this long without you killing her.
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.