Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
I hate crickets in my house.....except for the one I just killed. He seems ok.
That awkward moment when you have 10+ tabs open and you can`t figure out which one the music is coming from. FML
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
honestly I`ve never seen a tombstone that read "died from not forwarding a text to 10 people"
I hope I die alone. I mean, you`d have to be a pretty big jerk to hope others die with you.
The early bird gets the worm. But the rest of the birds can get McGriddles until 10:30.
How to meet a girl: 1) Walk into a bar. 2) Shout “Heroes in a half shell.” 3) When a girl yells back “Turtle Power,” marry her.
People who walk in front of the theatre screen while you`re watching a pirated movie on your computer are so rude.
If you died and went to he!l, how long will it take you to realise that you aren`t still at work?
Sooooo, ..a friend of mine was watching my dog lick herself in a certain area. Out of nowhere he says, "I wish I could do that." ...I said, "Go ahead, but she might bite."...
How do we not have lightsabers yet? Its like scientists aren´t even trying.
Big shout-out to slugs for doing everything a snail does but without a helmet.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
You had me at 0 mutual friends