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Inside me is a skinny person screaming to get out. But he shuts up when I eat cake.
So another day has come and gone and I still haven`t used algebra.
I got this new calorie counting app ... Every day I go for a new high score ... Winning!
If your man is reluctant to talk about his feelings, it’s probably because you haven’t told him what they are yet.
I went to McDonalds, put 5 dollars on the counter and said "Surprise me". Because I never get what I ask for anyway!
I just bought Velcro shoes.... What a rip off!
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
I swear if my memory gets any worse, i`ll be able to plan my own surprise party.
One day I will solve all problems with grace & maturity. Today is not that day...
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Chinese food to go: $16.84. Gas to go get it: $2.62. Getting home and realizing they forgot one of your containers: Riceless.
"Be strong" I whisper to my coffee.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
First you told me to be myself now you`re telling to me not be an idiot. Make up your mind woman!
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…