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The best moments in life are simple… you know like when you sit down and get comfy and the remote is magically next to you.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Trying to figure out how to ask a girl on a first date of Netflix and pizza without sounding all serial killery
Just saw a Christmas tree drive by with a Smart Car strapped to the bottom of it.
The hostess said to sit wherever I want, but the couple at this table are giving each other weird looks and have totally stopped talking.
Surgery is just stabbing someone to life.
If pi is 3.14, then I think .99 is a good deal for 2 doughnuts.
My relationship with whiskey has been on the rocks lately
Is it just me or is waking up at 3am and trying to read a text message like looking directly into the sun?
I can`t wait to get all liquored up, and then go door-to-door to sing some Christmas Carols when it starts to warm up in April...
I finally got some medication for my Attention Deficit Disorder. Now if I could just remember the name of it and where I left it at.
okay it was me..... I did it ..... I let the dogs out
I`d probably get a lot more done if it wasn`t for me.
Rabbits jump & they live for 8 yrs. Dogs run & they live for 15 yrs. Turtles don’t do anything & they live for 150 years. LESSON LEARNED!
They say you can tell how someone has sex by how they dance…. So ladies be prepared for a lot of counting and clapping.