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My tacos arrived with a fork on the plate. I can only guess it`s there to stab potential taco thieves.
I`ve spent my whole life trying to find a girl with a psychiatric disorder that makes her think she`s a woodpecker.
I have to admit my heart broke a little when I heard the lady at Starbucks call the guy in line behind me "sweetie" too.
My kids refuses to play with the Ouija Board anymore because every time we play, it spells out CLEAN YOUR ROOM.
Shout out to all the kids who could never find their name on souvenir keychains and license plates. That sh!t hurt.
I hate it when I put on my apple bottom jeans and cannot find my boots with da fur!!
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
Law enforcement`s cracking down on texting while driving, but there`s no law against standing up and playing saxophone through your sunroof.
Leaving your window open for an hour and the cast from f*cking Bugs Life decided to start producing their second movie.
Hey guy in the car behind me... Honking your horn isn`t going to help me type any faster.
I hope common sense is the next cool trend.
Iām still kind of pissed they never told us how to get to Sesame Street.
Did you ever wonder why the cat was in the bag in the first place?
Love is like a Hot Pocket: If you rush into it, you`re bound to get burned
I asked my girlfriend why she never tells me when she orgasms. She said she doesn`t like phoning me at work.