Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
If you allow your pets to roam free in our neighborhood, I`m gonna put party hats on em. This is non-negotiable.
There`s no law against twerking...but apparently it`s still frowned upon during jury duty.
If you catch me in the morning in a yoga position... more than likely I passed out drunk that way.
Imagine Ferris Bueller trying so hard not to Instagram his whole day off.
Law and Order is just Blue`s Clues for adults.
Punctuality is a waste of time since no one is ever there to appreciate it.
You can tell by a woman`s feet how she feels about you. If they are behind her ears, she likes you.
Every time the grocery baggers ask if I want help to my car, I feel like telling them yes and climbing in the cart.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
I bet if you walked up to any table at a restaurant and said "Good afternoon folks" they will let you take their order.
I have a black belt in leather
Why do grown ups pay to go to gyms to exercise on expensive equipment? Can`t we meet at a park after work and play tag until dark?
If it was not for electricity, we would all be watching T.V. by candle light.
The only thing more amusing than someone leaving a voicemail is them asking if you actually listened to it.