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We are so fortunate not to live in China, they have to hide their posts in cookies.
I hate it when people come to MY house, knock on MY door then have the nerve to ask me why I`m not wearing pants.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
30+ and single? There`s an app for that. Wait. My mistake. A cat for that.
cofeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffeecoffee... Wheeeeeeeeee!
Your things are terrific.
Thinking about staying in tonight? Nobody looks back in life and remembers the nights they got plenty of sleep.
Somebody told me I`m horrible with names.
Why did the mushroom go to the party because he was the fungi
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
Ummm,, Can we just admit we may have taken this anybody can grow up to be President thing a bit too far.
Women say they want a guy who can make them laugh. I`d probably have done better if they`d specified that they didn`t mean by tickling.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how likely is it that your dumbass will say 11?
Iām jealous of a book character for having sex with another character but sure come ask my advice about your marriage.
The Wizard of Oz is the ultimate chick flick. It`s about two women trying to kill each other over shoes.