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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
If every social website was set up to look like a spreadsheet, pretending to work would be so much easier for me.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
The black sheep always have the best stories.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
Caller ID should be more detailed~ "Wants Help Moving" "Going to Whine" "Will Ask to Borrow Money"
I don`t like making plans for the day, because then the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
The only person whom a woman listens carefully & follows sincerely & does exactly as he says is a photographer
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t speak sarcasm has to comment and ruin it.
I can’t even imagine the self control required to work at a bubble wrap factory.
This bar doesn’t know it yet, but it’s about to be karaoke night.
You can either be right, or you can be the husband.
If he`s dumb enough to send you a generic message in a mass text...be smart enough to reply to all "I still haven`t gotten my period."
Rich people have rehab. Poor people have jail.
I wonder if there`s a margarita somewhere out there thinking about me, too.