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feels like I`m forgetting to flip someone off today.
Girls must buy $500 purses just to impress other girls. No guy has ever said "Bro, she was ugly...but that purse...
Facebook. Where people can express thoughts that otherwise might get them fired, divorced, thrown in a loony bin or all three.
Chaos, panic, & disorder – my work here is done.
Don`t care what your religious or political beliefs are, if you`re male or female, young or old. I will tackle you hard for that last donut.
Holidays, hotels and women. Three things that always look better online than in real life.
The only way I know if I`ve bought enough beer is if my car thinks I have a passenger
Home sounds like a nice place, until they say they`re going to put you in one.
I can`t possibly f*ck up the entire universe, so that`s a relief.
A three hour long movie adaptation of pages 74 and 75 of the Hobbit? Friggin count me in.
if it has tits or tires sooner or later it will give you problems.
If you tell people you used to weigh 500 pounds they`ll tell you how great you look at 250.
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
People hiking with a giant stick never seem any better at hiking than the rest of us.
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.