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Can`t wait to be full of Christmas beer! I mean cheer. No, I definitely mean beer.
The ceiling fan DOES NOT make a good lettuce shredder....
It`s been few days since I heard from the voices in my head, I think it`s the calm before the storm. Some big sh!t is gonna go down!!
Times change When I was a kid, werewolves and vampires were very scary. Now everyone wants to have sex with them
when i have children im going to make them watch 2012 and tell them i survived all of that.
Of course you look good; I don`t have ugly friends.
My life is just one long improvisation.
If I randomly burst out in laughter, it`s usually `cause I just told myself a joke I`d never heard before :)
It`s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
If there`s no god then how do you explain yoga pants?
Whenever someone says they did something, "like a boss", I assume that means they didn’t do it at all and are merely taking credit for it.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
"When I grow up, I want to marry a man addicted to video games" ~ No woman ever.
So Apple is gonna buy Beats by Dr. Dre... I guess "an apple a day keeps the doctor away" doesn`t apply to technology?
You`d think the self checkout lanes would have more mirrors.