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There is nothing more annoying than a couple who just got back from vacation.
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait. That was a typo. I meant “food.” I try to find the food in every situation.
I`m getting sick of seeing all these lyric status`s, it reminds me of somebody that I used to know.
Admit it, you have that one voice that you only use on animals and babies.
If I died and went straight to hell, it would take me more than a week to realize that I`m not at work anymore....
Last night I was drunk and asked a cat if it could talk. It said, “Me? How?”
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
It’s amazing how long you can hold your farts at the beginning of a relationship.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
According to WebMD, people are Sick & Tired of me
Who actually clicks on the "No I am not over 18" links on "adult" pages?
I run a non-profit company. It`s not for a good cause or anything, I`m just not very good at business.
I`ve done it in the bathroom, I`ve done it in the bedroom, I`ve done it in the kitchen, on the couch, outside, in the bus, yoo I just can`t seem to stop this texting.:)
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be totally impossible!
So there`s a t.v. show called, It`s Me or the Dog?.. I was disappointed to find out its not a game show where people guess who farted