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Don`t date guys from the internet. The last guy said he lived in a gated community. Prison, he meant prison.
Lil Wayne is 10% African-American and 90% tattoo.
I was so disturbed by hearing about all the people using marijuana today that I almost dropped my deep-fried Snickers bar into my 48oz Coke.
Non alcoholic beer is like a porn movie on the radio
Not to brag, but I don`t even need alcohol to make really bad decisions.
You can`t Febreze bullshit.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
When you can no long help someone, I can - said the coroner.
Playing dead in the supermarket to avoid having a conversation with someone you know attracts more attention than I anticipated...go figure.
My favorite thing about decorative towels is how you`re not allowed to use them. Because nothing says class like useless towels.
I used to be in a band called "missing cat". You`ve probably seen our poster.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
The worst form of Alzheimer’s is when you walk out of the kitchen and forget to grab a beer.
Did you know , that if you use asterisk , you can do anything you want ? * gets on a t-rex and gallops away into the sunset *
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.