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Anyone who says "Let`s all put our phones down and talk with each other," is just running out of battery and needs a charge.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
They told me to come here and write something funny, so I`m gonna post my bank account balance: -$4.09
If I had a nickel for everytime I told myself I`d quit smoking, I could buy a lot more cigarettes
Boobs, because you can`t motorboat a personality.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
People who say they sleep like a baby usually dont have one
For most things there’s MasterCard For everything else there’s Vodka
Stop complaining about being single!!, we have bigger problems here. Like why McDonalds don`t serve breakfast after 10:30 -.-
I am not judging you...I already decided I don`t like you
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
what I hate about technology is that even my book ran out of batteries
I’m not a “stalker”. I want to make sure you’re okay at all times. You can look at me as an unpaid bodyguard.
I don’t think my neighbor watches porn. She asked if I could fix her sink. I’ve been here for an hour and I’m still fixing her sink.
If you`re going to stalk me at least notice when I`m running low on toilet paper & change the roll.