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People treat New Year’s like some sort of life changing event. If your life sucks today, it’s probably still going to suck tomorrow ... Just sayin
Relationship status: my cat won`t sit still for our selfies.
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated but can’t pronounce it.
I love a room with a fire place it sets the tone for a romantic night, drinking wine slow dancing, burning evidence.
Love means never being able to like another girl’s selfie on Instagram ever again.
My wife hasnt stopped looking through the window since it started raining. If it gets worse, I might have to let her back in...
Always love a woman for her personality. They have like ten so you can choose.
If karma doesn`t hit you, I gladly will.
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
I`m undecided about which pants to wear today...Smarty of Fancy?
There are days when everything goes perfectly. . I wonder what those are like?
Hate it when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket and it’s not even in there.
Someone asked me if I`m ever scared that I`ll be alone forever, which I thought was so rude because my cat was right there.
My wife can suffer in silence louder than anyone I know.
HR says I`m not allowed to scream "OH GOD IT BURNS MAKE IT STOP" when I walk through the front door at work anymore :(