Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My hair only looks good on days when no one important sees it.
Dear Haters, I have so much more for you to be mad at me for...please be patient.
These old people at the bus stop really suck at paintball.
My reaction to winning a billion dollars wouldn`t even come close to my 10 year old`s reaction when I told him that there`s no school today.
My friend says to me, "What rhymes with orange?" I said, "No it doesn`t."
Pick a woman with wits. Wits will never sag.
That amazing moment when you smack the remote and it actually works!
Please respect the revolving door speed that has already been established.
The best thing about owning a Smart Car is if you get too drunk at the bar you can just carry it home.
Apparently, 4 people die every year trying to put their pants on... - me, explaining to my (ex)boss why I went in with no pants
Girl Scout cookie season is scientifically timed to occur just as people are giving up on their New Year`s resolutions.
Twinkle twinkle little star, I want to hit you with my car.
Working in retail has taught me that the customer is always right. At least while they`re in earshot...
What does it mean when you sit next to an elderly woman on the bus and she shakes her head and makes the sign of the cross?
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.