Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I may not be the best looking, wittiest, smartest or even the most successful person. I forget where I was going with this...
If I go missing this holiday season and there’s a big search party out looking for me, you can save time by not looking at the gym.
Whenever I see people doing sign language, I assume they are discussing the best way to murder the rest of us and steal our ears.
Save your little napkin, bartender. I don’t plan on having this drink long enough to set it down.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
Nothing like a brisk morning jog to start the day! Just kidding! I don`t do that.
is cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
Just think of how different the world would be if Noah had eaten those two chickens.
The phrase "Go see your Ford dealer" means something completely different in Canada than the United States.
I was so angry when I found my wife’s profile on a dating website. That lying b!tch isn’t “fun to be around.”
If I`m not in bed by 11PM, then I go home.
Uses for the plastic ruler..... 5% to draw stright lines 95 % to hit people.
Sometimes, entire relationships can be chalked up to, "that weird thing I did for a while."
I never use the phrase, "Your guess is as good as mine" because, well... it`s not.
If I eat healthy today then I can have one piece of candy as a reward. If I eat unhealthy, then I can have the whole bag.