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I always get naked before I get in bed so I don`t know why this lady at Sears is giving me a dirty look in the mattress section.
To all my Facebook friends. Have a happy St. Patrick`s day, and all the festivities this weekend. Stay safe, enjoy life, and if you by chance happen to find a bartender who is bad at math...give me a call :)
Apparently somebody gets stabbed every 52 seconds...sucks to be that guy
Pumpkin for sale. Slightly used
Calling someone a drama queen is so negative. Why not "content creator"?
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
I’m beginning to think that for some of you, the wheels on your bus do not go round & round.
If you have to use a shot glass to make your drinks then you`re not doing it right...
Telling people your phone is gonna die, But you really just don’t want to text them.
The Roomba vacuum cleaner just beat me to a piece of popcorn I dropped on the floor & this is how the war against the machines begins.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
If someone threw a rock and knocked me off my donkey, would I be stoned off my a$$?
I like it when everyone posts on Facebook what they are cooking for diner...it makes my decision on who to drop in on so much easier.
Redneck`s famous last words: "Is that enough duck tape?"
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.