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My doctor told me to stop drinking...Then he told me to stop laughing.
Getting to bed early so I can be well rested and fully alert for my morning anxiety.
Relationship status: Runs alone at night in hopes of being abducted.
They say `No news is good news,` but I think it just means I have a lazy paperboy.
Sometimes you can just tell it`s going to be a "Does not play well with others" kind of day.
Sometimes Late at night. I rearrange traffic signs. People need to be challenged.
Sometimes I find myself envious of how well Waldo can hide..
A lot of people seem to forget their other four fingers when waving to me.
My leadership experience is pretty much limited to those three consecutive days in first grade when I was line leader.
I just keep telling myself you guys don`t have sex either.
The Gym is like Church. Everybody thinks that by going one hour, one day, they`ll erase what they did during the week.
Hmmmmm,,,, Turns out all this time, I’ve been using a life couch instead of a life coach.
I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.
My coworkers sending dirty messages to other coworkers when I leave my computer unlocked is why I have trust issues. ... and dates.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!