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I`m still waiting for that fairly tale scene where the animals clean everything for me.
Sorry I`m late, the floor was lava
If I go sleep at 6 in the morning, does it mean I go to sleep early or late?
Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
Today is the day I go back to the gym. Tomorrow is when I stop telling lies.
Stretch marks? You mean sick a$$ lightning tattoos.
I wonder if any Disney managers ever start a meeting off with "What kind of Mickey Mouse operation are we running around here?"
Iām pretty busy today, so if you could just go ahead and offend yourself for me that would be great. Thanks!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Imagine how fun Pringles would be if the cans were spring-loaded.
I hate when I`m on Facebook and I`m rudly interrupted by a jogger bouncing off my windshield
I have two moods: sleep is for the weak and sleeping for a week.
I followed my heart...Now I`m at the liquor store.
I`m having a problem in Call Of Duty, I go to the menu and... ok by now the girls have stopped reading this, anyone know any good porn sites?
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!