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You`re uglier than..... well, you`re the example.
I always get hammered before I go jogging, that way I never go jogging.
An awkward morning beats a boring night.
Pinatas are a great way to teach children that if you repeatedly beat something with a stick, eventually you’ll get what you want.
I can`t get the cork off my dinner.
"No I don’t need any help. I know more about booze than you do" - Me to the liquor store clerk
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
Everyone always talks about the early bird. How about the early worm? How´d that work out for him?
Dating a single mother is like pressing continue on some one elses saved game
I do 5 sit ups daily. It might not sound like much, but there`s only so many times you can hit the snooze button.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Walmart has their new Savings Catcher app... I`m thinking savings isn`t the only thing you will catch ...
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey but i turned myself around and THAT`S what it`s all about
I`ll be glad when it`s warm enough to pee outside