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All guys should learn from Mario Bros. No matter how far their princess is, they should go after her.
I woke up this morning and my "check liver" light was on.
is having some serious PMS: Parked Motorcycle Syndrome!
Never hire a color blind Bomb Technician.
I bet there`s a rapper trying to figure out a way to replace his teeth with LED lights
If you were born after 1990, you will never know the frustration of having to rewind your parents porn tapes to the exact same spot...
I like long walks on the beach and drives through Taco Bells drive-thru.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
Don’t break anyone’s heart; they only have one. Break they’re bones. They have over 200 of them.
Driving isn’t even in the top 5 things I’m thinking about when I’m driving.
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
From now on when I accept a friend request I`ll just write on their wall: You belong to me now.
My girlfriend says I need to grow up. I think she`s just angry I didn`t give her the password to my pillow fort.
Inspirational status: Today’s probably going to suck. Don’t be a little bitch and handle that sh!t.
Burglars must love "My Family Stickers". They can wait in front of someone`s house, count the people that leave, and know if they have a dog or not...