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To those that manufacture and market tight, thin yoga pants to fit college girls; I love you man.
Why is it called "Alien vs Predator"? Isn`t predator an alien too? They should`ve just called it "Some Aliens"
363 shopping days `til Christmas and some people already have their lights up.
Tonight`s good mood is sponsored by ... Beer!!
Facebook is basically just you having a conversation with yourself hoping that someone else will join in.
Bending over ... preparing to do my taxes.
I’m not shy. I’m just holding back my awesomeness so I don’t intimidate you.
is admitting to pushing Humpty Dumpty, he had it coming!!
When my friends ask me to babysit, I ask if the kid is a "mean drunk" or a "happy drunk." Gets me out of it every time.
All other things being equal, tall people use more soap.
I can already tell this is going to be one of those days where I am not rich and famous.
Give a man a gun and he can rob a bank, give a man a bank and he can rob the world.
Insanity does not run in my family. It strolls through, taking it`s time and getting to know each one of us personally.
I will probably die as a result of being sarcastic to the wrong person at the wrong time.
Benefits of hooking up with me: You will be hooking up with me. I could go on but I think I made my point.