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Whenever I`m on the phone with someone I like to scream "WAIT DON`T HANG UP" right as they`re hanging up & then not answer when they call back.
Have you ever been so hungry you accidentally called someone sandwich?
Every now and then when I`m in a room alone I say out loud, "I know you`re listening". If I`m wrong, nobody knows. If I`m right, I just freaked the hell out of some guy.
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
the kids next door have challenged me to a water balloon fight. just updating my status while waiting on the water to boil.
I can´t wait for summer. One of my highlights of summer is talking into the fan to hear my robot voice.
My bed is way more comfortable in the mornings than during the night.
1,000 Ways To Die is so unrealistic. There`s no episode where a man asks a woman `what`s wrong?`
Fact: if you give your boyfriend a bj each time you act crazy, he`ll not only forgive you,but eventually be thrilled when you act nuts.
My house has really let itself go.
Well, well, well. Guess who the grocery store clerk asked to come back soon?
Did you know dryer sheets double as toilet paper and leave your a$$ smelling like meadows and rain drops?
Just tore the tag off my mattress and there’s nothing the feds can do about it. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
ATM`s need to have breathalyzers.