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We should have staff meetings in the garden. The plants would love the fertilizer.
Dang I didn`t make it to the gym today! That makes 5 years in a row
If I tell you I can`t text you because I`m driving it`s only because I`m also eating.
really vry funny
I remember when vodka was just vodka flavored ...
The dentist told me I need to be more aggressive when I floss so I`ve decided to start growling.
It’s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Ask me about my ability to annoy complete strangers.
Bars are Weird Its the only Business that kicks you out for buying TOO much of their Product
I`m a lover, not a fighter. So if anyone is giving you trouble and you need me to have sex with them, I`m your man.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Born free. Now, I’m expensive.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
Relationship Tip for men: When a woman says, "Correct me if I`m wrong but...."Don`t do it!! It`s a trap!! DO NOT, I repeat, do not correct that woman!!!
80% of my life is pulling percentages out of thin air and stating them as facts...