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The best nicknames are the ones you don’t even know you have.
If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
Before I die, I`m putting fake treasure maps behind all my picture frames.
Two Best Advices For Safe Life : 1. Always Speak The Truth, No Matter How Bitter Harsh It Is ... 2. Run Immediately After Saying It..
The problem with the world today is that intelligent people are too smart to have children.
Ladies: Sometimes you just need to throw your arms up in the air and say, "Tie me up"
The best part about living by myself is not having to explain a lot of things......a LOT of things.
The word bed looks like a bed.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Interesting fact: Prior to the creation of hummus and ranch dressing nobody ate uncooked vegetables.
I wish that we lived in a world where a chicken could cross the road without getting its motives questioned.
My ex says that he will dance on my grave. I`ve now arranged to be buried at sea
A lifetime of fire drills has prepared me to completely ignore the alarm during a real fire.
Sometimes when you first meet someone you just know you want to spend the rest of your life ... Avoiding them
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do