Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
People who are about to tell you something then say "never mind" are the reason why I sometimes admire serial killers
When your mother asks you if you`re sexually active, the correct response is: "No, I just lie there."
I send more time looking for porn than actually watching it.
If thought bubbles appeared magically above my head I would be so screwed!
Halloween always exposes my weakness for Milk Duds, I am powerless. Tomorrow I will attend MDA, Milk Duds Anonymous
TV needs to stop putting up those stupid “viewer discretion” warnings. My mom is sick of me calling her for clearance.
If I wasn`t supposed to have vodka for breakfast they shouldn`t have made it taste so good with orange juice.
From now on, all of my posts will be written in Morgan Freeman`s voice. Please re-read this one to make sure it`s working.
It`s a serious Lego project when the 1st thing my 5yo does is take off his shirt and gets me a beer from the fridge.
"This is so wrong," I say excitedly, my heart racing, my hands trembling as I butter a donut
Literally saw someone get a tattoo of a camel on their toe.
If you`ve had cats, the singles virus may already be inside you.
Going to Colorado this weekend to go ... "Hiking"
Facebook Proves: That if Family had the Option... they`d Delete ya.
I think a clear conscience is really just memory loss