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I wonder if Oscar the Grouch has a hipster cousin somewhere that lives in a recycling bin.
Perhaps Voldemort’s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
How can I love nature when it did this to my hair?
Tony Romo tried to throw his helmet down in frustration but it was intercepted and returned for a touchdown
If you lick the frosting off a cupcake it becomes a muffin, muffins are healthy :) your welcome.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
A dozen roses: $12, a box of chocolates: $10, a Happy Valentines Day card: $2, still having $24 dollars because you`re single: priceless!
I`m always on the verge of running three miles, or drinking a bottle of Vodka
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
Don`t apologize because you haven`t posted in a while. No one cared.
Every paper towel commercial just reminds me that the cleanest option is to just not have children.
Saying "think outside the box" is a pretty inside the box suggestion.
Benefits of dating me: 1. You`re the sane one.
I love watching The Simpsons. They never get old.