Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I swear that logging in to Facebook has become the equivalent of opening the fridge door and staring inside even though you`re not hungry.
Me putting up with you is your Christmas present.
I keep trying to avoid trouble but I think it likes me.
My definition of" Armed and Dangerous" is: a pissed off wife with a bottle of wine, and the credit cards.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I gave my dog a middle name today, so he knows when he`s really in trouble.
This is bullshit. It`s like the cops don`t even know that the speed limit is different when you`re listening to AC/DC.
Apparently, when people say "I could use a hand" it doesn`t mean they want to get slapped in the face.
thinks we need to think like a first grade teacher and separate Romney and Gingrich next time they debate!
If I had a nickel for everytime I said, "If I had a nickel", I`d be rich.
In about 20 years, that cherry tattoo on your cleavage is gonna look like a pair of raisins and that butterfly you got tatted on back is gonna look like a moth.
keep scrolling I`ve got nothing....
One fun way to describe Facebook is “imagine you are a mind reader in Walmart.”
Can I apologize in advance for basically everything I will ever do???
They say money doesn`t bring you happiness.... I say....neither does being broke....