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The story of George Washington chopping down the cherry tree is my favorite tale of honesty, integrity, and giving a child an ax
Attempting to guilt me in to doing something, is the surest way to make sure it never happens.
I have an inferiority complex, but it`s not a very good one.
The Wizard of Oz is really just a cautionary tale about the lengths a woman will go to for the right shoes.
Considering I`m broke, I wonder if she`ll let me be her sugar-free daddy.
Another day where I`m not skinny, rich or famous. Getting real tired of this sh*t.
Dont piss me off...I`ll give your number to all the kids and tell them it`s Santa`s hot line!
I left a note in the break room at work saying I had found five bucks. I hadn`t found any money, but it was worth five dollars to learn which of my co-workers is a lying douchebag.
Baby gates are parents` way of saying "this area is locked until you’ve gained more experience."
Netflix is a lot like facebook in the way I just waste time scrolling and scoffing at things.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Girls with tattoos on your tits, Why? We`re already looking at them.
I read Facebook for the pictures.
Drink coffee! ... Do stupid things faster with more energy.
I`m fresh out of hopes and dreams. Can I interest any of you in despair and disappointment?