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When your coworker tells you they are getting a divorce a high five is not the right answer. Or so I`ve been told. Twice now.
Three things I’m thankful for this time of year: Family, Friends, and Caller ID to avoid family and friends
Happy New Years Everyone! (I stole this status:) )
Sometimes I feel as though my life should be documented for future generations.
I hate Russian nesting dolls. They`re so full of themselves
Personality is 40% genetics, 40% upbringing, and 20% the last movie you watched.
May all of us be as good looking/ beautiful as we look on our FB profile pic..
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
That last phone call with my wife was so boring, I feel like I owe the NSA an apology.
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
*sigh* the cop at the front door is never a stripper when you need it to be
The fact that you don’t find me amazing doesn’t bother me at all, it just confirms what I have suspected all along; that you have bad taste.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
Kinda hypocritical of me to complain about people who send mixed signals seeing as the mat in front of my door says "welcome"...
If House of Cards has taught me anything it’s that I need a friend who owns a rib place.