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I`m so sick and tired of my friends who can`t handle their alcohol. The other night they dropped me 3 times while carrying me to the car.
How many divorced guys does it take to change a lightbulb?...........Who cares, they NEVER get the house anyways.
I just burned 1200 calories! I forgot about the pizza in the oven.
You will attract attention if wearing a skirt on a windy day. This is doubly true if you are a man.
Cashier: Would you like your milk in a bag? Me: No, let`s just keep it in the carton, ok?
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
Life is like “Facebook” – People will like your problems & comment; But no one will solve them because everyone is busy updating theirs.
I would just like to personal thank all the people in my life that have caused me so many problems, for making me the as$ I am today!
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
People often say laughter is the best medicine, but they neglect to mention that an overdose can cause one’s ass to fall off.
Let`s drink till this day makes some sort of sense.
I’m not surprised you’re having problems I had a bad experience with your reality once too.
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
Does `virgin wool` come from sheep the shepherd hasn`t caught yet? ..just asking
When your Dr. says "I`ll need to Google that"..... it`s time to change Doctors