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I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I just wanted you all to know that I`m leaving Facebook. The ride has been a blast and I`ve made a ton of friends. Your humor and wit is amazing. I`ll miss all of u, but I`ve decided I need to spend more time with my family...so see you after breakfast!!
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
You call them “cuss words.” I choose to call them “sentence enhancers.”
I don`t know if getting everything I want would make me happy, but the opposite is not working at all.
Don`t look at me in that tone of voice...
I’m a pervert, but in a romantic way.
My love for you is beyond words so don’t expect a Valentine’s Day card from me.
There is only one thing I hate more than lying: skim milk. Which is water lying about being milk.
My bed is half full - Lonely optimist.
I have found my sleep number and it is eleven, eleven beers.
I bet heroin addicts can open a Capri sun on the first try.
People hate facing the truth. Luckily the truth doesn`t give a sh*t.
Facebook is a lot like a fridge. When you`re bored you keep opening and closing it every couple of minutes to see if there`s anything good, but nothing ever changes :b
What did I get for Christmas? Fat...