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Well today I turned 26, not because I wanted to, but only because Facebook limits how many times you can actually change your birth year !
How weird was the first robber to wear pantyhose on his face
what if the princess wants to be with bowser, but mario keeps kidnapping her
We could learn a lot from our dogs.... If you can`t eat it or play with it, then pee on it and walk away
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
I’m not fat... my stomach is 3D.
Bored? Find group photo of 4 women. Comment "You 3 look incredible!!"
I need professional help. A chef and a butler will do just fine.
I don`t understand why you guys complain about never being able to finish a tube of chapstick, it usually only takes me 2 or 3 bites.
When in darkness, pray. If you pray and nothing happens, I think it is the high time you paid your electricity bill.
If you respond to coworkers asking how your weekend was with turkey noises, they leave you alone.
With so many things coming back in style, I can`t wait until morals and intelligence become a trend again.
If a cannibal is late for dinner, do they give him the cold shoulder?
My parents never asked me to run away from home, but there were many unexplained one way tickets.
Of all the advice given to me over the years, “There really is no bad time for a beer” has proved to be the most helpful.