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If you’re going to walk really slowly in front of me you should at least have the courtesy to have a slammin booty.
This week’s weather forecast: Sweaty underboobs.
What do you call a black woman with braces?... A Black and Decker P@cker Wrecker!
There`s no `i` in "Shut the f*ck up!"
Worrying: a waste of imagination.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means I dropped them on the way from the dryer.
This year, I`m thankful for all the people that included me in their mass texts wishing me a "Happy Thanksgiving," now I know which numbers to block when Christmas comes around.
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. -Me with beer, me without beer
YouTube is so addicting, I click on a music video and next thing you know I`m watching how to make ice cream.
I feel bad for the photons that travel 93 million miles from the sun and then have to bounce off your stupid face.
Gonna try out my new drinking game tonight... 1. Turn on the news. 2. Take a drink every time the word FERGUSON is said!
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches
Please keep me in your thoughts and prayers. Nothing bad has happened, but I’m trying to be proactive.
I lost my ladder when I was very young but I was fortunate to have such a great step-ladder to raise me ...anytime I couldn`t reach anything
If I lived everyday like it was my last, the body count would be staggering.