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We´re responsible for most of what happens to us, the rest is probably Voodoo.
Try sliding down a water slide without running water to realize how important foreplay is
How do you know you`re old? ... Check your glove box for paper maps ...
I appreciate your help, but no thanks, I can f*ck up my life on my own.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
People who drive under the speed limit are probably the same people who drink decaf.
Don`t believe everything you think.
Don´t wait for the perfect moment. Take the moment and make it perfect.
I totally understand how batteries feel because I`m never included in things either
You can go a long way with a smile. You can go a lot farther with a smile and a gun.
There`s always cake to celebrate happy moments, but I really think cake would do better during the bad times. Got fired? Have a cake.
As far as Im concerned, you are not my concern.
Give a man a fish, he’ll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, he’ll probably be like, “Hey, remember when you used to just give me fish?”
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop
Hey ladies breastfeeding in public, why don`t you ever smile in my pictures?