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According to a recent survey, 98% of people responded with `Go away.`
I used to be able to stay out much later than this. I find I just can’t these days. My phone battery just doesn’t have the stamina any more.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
I love you more than I hate everyone else.
yo fellas how did that "wow" comment you left on that girls facebook picture play out
Would stiff nipples be a good name for my air conditioning company?
Theme parks can snap a clear picture of you on a rollercoaster at 70mph, but bank cameras can`t get a clear shot of a robber standing still.
Kinda like Facebook, I wish I could ‘hide’ people in real life.
I really worried about which selfie my family would put on the news if I ever went missing.
In fact, yes, l can multitask. I can screw up several things at once.
Just saw a guy checking out my wife. Good luck buddy. I’m married to her and I don’t even have a chance.
Texting while sitting at a stop light: Helping save lives every day by preventing T-bone collisions with drivers who run red lights. Because of that extra minute it takes for you to realize that the light has turned green, the driver who has no regard for the safety of others entering the intersection legally, can now safely clear the intersection without causing a collision. For this, we thank you.
That`s it!! I`m never drinking again until tomorrow.
Just discovered an app that tells you which one of your friends is stupid. It`s called Facebook.
Life is too short for fake butter, cheese or people.