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The only problem with using the treadmill is that you can`t run from your own farts.
New Years Eve. It takes 24,367 bolts to put a car together and only 1 nut to spread it all over the road, please don`t drink and drive and become the nut
Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?
Things that schools worry about Drugs 1% Graduating 1% drop outs 1% the inportance of using a number 2 pencil on standardized tests 97%
Just saw a guy with a Support Dyslexia bumper sticker on the front of his car.
If you think your wife has a great sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose petals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes. Not the best idea a man ever had ;)
Thesaurus for sale, brand new, current, modern, original, unused, untapped, fresh, pristine, untouched, mint condition, spotless, untried...
Sometime when I`m home alone I like to fill my bathtub with spaghetti and pretend I`m a meatball.!
I wish my bladder had a snooze button.
I would probably die of sleep deprivation if Facebook added a dislike button
More people should be at a loss for words.
Sometimes when it rains I go outside with a cocktail umbrella and pretend I`m a Giant.
If your girlfriend has $15 and you have $30, your girlfriend actually has $45.
Some of you need to be driven out to the country and released back into the wild
Shoplifting is just undocumented shopping.