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RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if I’m right
The loudest possible way to open a bag of chips is to try and do it quietly.
My wife looks for signs I’m cheating, but seriously, who would make a sign?
So far I’ve spent most of 2016 flipping off the weather channel.
I just made a voodoo doll of myself. Can someone take it to the gym?
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Sometimes I really think I have my life together...and then I realize my underwear is on inside-out.
Do watch out for elderly neighbours in the heat wave. They`re liable to trap you for hours and talk about the weather.
Don`t text me while I`m texting you. Now I have to go back and change my text.
Do Hostess employees have Snowball fights?
WARNING: Every single thing I post from here on in, is alcohol induced.
I don`t want to brag, but I`m single-handedly responsible for 86% of the rules in the Employee Handbook at work.
What`s the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don`t know and I don`t care.
If everyone would just be naughty next year, Santa would bring us all coal ... energy crisis solved!
The only thought I have for the weather lately is that someone somewhere is losing a game of Jumanji.