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Redneck Word : debate...i was gonna go fishin today but forgot to bring debate
I just leased a 2013 lamborghini, no payments till January. Those f@kin Mayans better be right.
Of course your opinion matters. Just not to me.
I`m starting to think all that stuff about Y2K is not going to happen !
JOKE OF THE YEAR: Two women were sitting quietly together, minding their own business.
"I just launched a new fragrance!" - a great way to announce a fart
If a girl texts you and asks if you think she`s fat and you try to respond "Nooo" autocorrect changes it to "Moo" so that`s pretty cool.
How am I supposed to make great life choices when I still use my fingers to count and sing the whole alphabet to see what letter comes next?
I have over 500 facebook friends, and i want to say that i love you all...except for number 376 ..you`re a real a@@hole!!
Why is it called a menstrual calendar and not an egg timer?
Karma takes too long ..... I`d rather beat the sh%t out of you.
Absence makes the heart grow fonder, but my boss just gets mad when I don`t come into work.
Depression is just your body`s way of saying it needs more orgasms.
The secret to enjoying good wine: Open to let it breathe. If it appears not to be breathing, apply mouth to mouth.
Sometimes I do totally awesome and amazing things just to throw people off.