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Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I might enjoy work more if at the end of the day I could slide down the back of a brontosaurus directly into my car.
Dear Friday, I`m ready !!!
You will never find the right person if you do not let go of the wrong one. Call me!
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I think once we get past the restraining orders, court dates, and the stalking charges we can really make this relationship work.
The neighbor`s cat seems to think my flower bed is his litter box. I`ll fix that furry little bugger. I mixed 44 packages of pop rocks into the soil. And now we wait....
Sometimes it’s just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
Has anybody tried unplugging Congress and then plugging it back in?
Girls here is an idea.. instead of spending that much money on make up just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
Today please just pretend I wrote something hilarious, click like, and move on down the news feed.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Truthfully, I`d like you all a whole lot better if you were bacon.