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I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
No Girlfriend November was a success, now for Don`t Date December, Just Me January, Forever Alone February, No Match March..... I got this.
Funerals are so depressing, when I die I want to be fed to a shark or something cool.
Someday, somewhere, somehow Iām going to do something.
I found a dollar in my bed this morning... Following my excitement was a flash of panic as I checked all my teeth
If you think women are the weaker sex, try pulling the blankets back to your side.
Facebook, the lost and found for people. . .
Airplanes: offering you the comforts of gas station food/drinks at popular night club prices
If you want to keep a secret from me, write it down and send it to me as a Facebook event invitation.
I`ve decided!! Iām giving up my New Years resolutions for Lent.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
When I was younger my dad showed me pictures of why to wear condoms during sex. The funny thing is, they were all pictures of me.
Has anyone else ever noticed that the word therapist spells, "the rapist," when split into 2 words?
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.